What Your Favorite Porn Says About You

Featured Article by Stanley Siegel | September 2012 – Issue 2 http://psychologytomorrowmagazine.com

You are sitting in front of a computer screen surfing porn sites ready to get off. You sift through scenes and images until you connect to one. Suddenly, every element of desire falls perfectly in line. You become intensely excited, your physical and mental energy sharply focused and shutting out other thoughts. Eventually, you climax.

"The Act of Man" by Barbora Mastrlova

Most of us do not meticulously analyze what just happened. There might be some curiosity about why a certain porn scene turns us on. Typically, after getting off to it, we feel temporarily satisfied and pull ourselves back together.

What actually is happening in that moment when everything clicks? Why does a particular story or scene cause such arousal? Why, for instance, does forced sex with a woman or a very boyish man attract us more than other images?

Sexual fantasies, whether elaborate romantic themes or sporadic images of muscular arms or big breasts, mean much more than we think. Specific erotic images are connections to deeper inner truths long banished from consciousness.

Porn intensely focuses our mental and physical attention, uncovering specific emotions eroticized much earlier in life. Through our sexual fantasies, we attempt to master feelings of powerlessness, shame, guilt, fear and loneliness that have followed us into adulthood. Encoded in the porn scenes that lead us to orgasm are the psychological antidotes to these feelings. Situating ourselves in humiliating, romantic or risky scenes counteracts painful feelings by turning them into pleasurable ones. Psychologically, this happens outside our awareness, the way blood cells heal a cut finger without our knowing it.  Read More

Use the inches you’ve got.

tumblr_mfn23h1RA01qfy03lo1_500Stop worrying about dick size and start paying attention to what you’re doing.

After the weekends shannonigans and naked card games I was thinking about hang ups and penis size. It was clear that as the 12 of us were standing naked around the table there was at least a little bit of sizing up going on. At first everybody was quite shy but then as people began to realise that it really didn’t matter, or they were too drunk to care, they began to relax and not worry quite so much about letting it “hang out”.

As gay men penis size is something that we all think about at some point. Even for those not obsessed with it they must still live with a culture that for the most part is.

But what is it about penis size that is so attractive. Big dicks have not always been seen as desirable. It’s only as cultural perceptions of what is attractive have changed that our opinions about big dicks have too.

Everyday my spam folder gets filled with emails about adding extra inches to my dick. “Get a better sex life, add 2 inches” and bullshit titles like that which miss the point. Gay mens magazines and pop culture are full of photoshopped dicks that resemble cast members from snakes on a plane. Our mouths might water when we see them but the reality of what they can do for us is often disappointing. The fact is that having a bigger dick won’t make sex better, learning how to use the inches you’ve got will!

I’ve met guys with regular sized dicks who were amazing and guys with huge dicks who were terrible. Lets be honest, a dick can be too big. The really big dicks can have trouble getting fully erect and if your with a Top who doesn’t know what he is doing they can do some real damage. Small dicks can hurt just as much as the big ones if they are not used properly, proof that it’s not the size of the wand but the skill of the Wizard that wields it.

If you have a big dick, don’t go balls deep on the first thrust.

If you have a small dick, grinding can feel better than thrusting for your partner

So next time you are scanning the naked guys around the card table, at the pool or in the locker room remember that your dick has just as much potential to give pleasure as everybody else. Take some time to read the manual and pay attention to what works and what doesn’t work for you and your lover.

Gay 101

How to be a better Top

TrentonDucatiNo matter how awesome we think we are in bed, most of us could always afford to add some new tricks to our bag.

I have met guys who were amazing and guys who were just plain awful. The differences between them were not as great as you might think.

As a versatile boy I get the best of both worlds and I want to share with you some of the tips that I have picked up during my shannonigans.

Contrary to popular opinion I find it is your brain and not a rock hard dick that is your best tool for being an awesome Top.

To be a better Top there are a few things that I think you should know first.

Anal sex can hurt. I sometimes think that the best Tops are guys who also Bottom because empathy always makes a better lover. The biggest problem most Tops have is that they don’t pay attention to their partner. They start the joust at full gallop. If you are going to Top remember that if you injure your partner before you even get started nobody is going to have a good time.

3 things will help you get started:

Fingers and tongues.

They go everywhere with you and are a great way to get your Bottom going. Gently rubbing with the pads of your fingers or licking around the anus ( called rimming ) feels awesome and you will notice when they relax and the tension eases. It’s at this point that you can be a little more forceful butt.. don’t just shove it in up to the knuckles and remember fingernails hurt. Sucking and biting is incredibly uncomfortable and huge no no too.

LUBE LUBE LUBE. I mean seriously guys. What are you thinking!

Silicon, water based, spit… it doesn’t matter. USE IT.

Take it easy at the start.

The worst thing you can do is just jam it in. Unless your Bottom is like a freeway on ramp a slow start is best. I find the best way to start is is to slowly slide it in (with plenty of lube ). Don’t get creative yet. Just watch and listen to their reaction. It gives them time to relax. It’s at this point that I have learned it’s better to grind rather than fuck. It’s the “in and out” that can be painful in the beginning but grinding slow is hot, passionate and a great way to start.

As the heat increases your instincts should take over. I don’t really need to explain what to do next but here are a couple of things to avoid in general.

Pulling out completely and punching back in looks great in porn but in reality can feel more like getting stabbed than pleasurable. Try to avoid it unless your bottom indicates that it’s okay.

Jack hammering away like a rabbit in order to reach the finish line as soon as possible is bad form. Vary the speed and tempo, tease and build. Thats the way to do it.

Don’t blow and go. Don’t be selfish. I’ve met plenty of Tops who are only interested in getting themselves off ( Hmm does that sound bad? *grins ). Make sure your partner gets off too. If you’re good you can time it so you get off together.

Once things get going here are a few more tips that I have found make a big difference for me.

Mix up your positions.

Remember if your Bottom is going off then your going to have a much better time too. Move around, see what works and what makes it fun for both of you. Don’t be a star fish.

Don’t be afraid to make some noise.

Grunting, groaning, calling out his name and a little dirty talk are all great ways of letting him know you like something. Letting him know you like it, has the added bonus of encouraging him to do it more.

Get handy.

The beast with two backs also has 2 mouths, four nipples, four arms and four legs. Not to mention any number of “spots”. Use them. biting and moaning in his ear as you thrust, licking his neck and gently pulling his hair as you hammer him in to the mattress and jerking him off as you fuck are a few suggestions.

Watch your size.

For those of you who are bigger than average, going balls deep might not be the most comfortable act for your partner. Use common sense .

Play safe.

Some Tops I have met have had the crazy idea that it’s the bottoms job to bring a condom. Everybody is responsible for safe sex. A rubber and a lube sachet in your back pocket is your best friend.

Sex is messy, sticky and there are no real hard and fast rules but if you want to up your game the easiest way to do it is to pay attention to what works and doesn’t work for your partner. Increasing their enjoyment will increase yours as well.

Happy fucking.

Gay sex toys, gay sex positions

Anal sex toys such as dildos, butt plugs and vibrators can be a beautiful complement to your favourite sex positions. They make for great foreplay, then as well when you’re having anal sex they can enhance this experience, for bottom and top alike.

JACK-HARRER-Fucks-MANUEL-RIOS-Sex-Toy-Bel-Ami-Gay-Porn-StarsWarming up

It can simply be easier to open up and relax the bottom with a toy, especially if the top’s really well endowed. Depending on his experience and also his mood, there might be a girth the bottom can easily initially accommodate, and this can vary from day to day; we’ve probably all had those times when the bigger sex toys and the bigger cocks are too much for us, and any pain or discomfort experienced then can be a real turn off.

It’s useful to have in your toy collection a tapered toy such as a butt plug with a relatively narrow tip, so penetration is easy and you can stretch and relax the sphincters bit by bit. Get the bottom in the position you want to have sex in. Caress, kiss and lick his anus. Get him comfortable. Maybe he’d like to close his eyes. Bottoms, let your butt cheeks spread and push your anus towards your partner. Give him a decent view and easy access. You might both want to stroke yourselves and masturbate lightly at the same time.

Penetrate gently and play with the toy inside. Rotate the toy and swirl it around as well as moving in and out. Go slower than your cock will be going and build up the longing for a harder pace. If you’re using a vibrator instead of a butt plug, the vibrations can help to relax as well as stimulate your partner. Vary the speed and see how the impact changes as you angle the toy around.

Once you’ve withdrawn the toy, try inserting a couple of finger and feeling around inside him. This can be intense for him and the texture of his anus and rectum is great to explore.

More play

To prolong your sex play and really arouse the bottom, when you’re fucking him and before, use a vibrating butt plug or an inflatable butt plug and leave that in place while switching to giving him oral sex. If you choose a vibrating butt plug, that can sit comfortably in place and keep him thinking of you inside of you inside him while deepening his feeling of his own erection. With an inflatable toy, you can really boost his prostate sensation, alternately inflating and partially deflating the toy – or giving him the pump so he has control. There’s a wonderful contrast between this kind of anal stimulation and the feeling of you thrusting into him. The taste of his cock and balls as you lick and suck him should also be a real turn on for you.

Bend over boyfriend

Of course, a majority of gay men are not 100% top or bottom. When you’re fucking your partner, a little anal stimulation of your own can just be the ticket you need to turn a great-already experience into a truly wild, absolutely satisfying experience. You might want to force your ass onto your partner’s mouth to rim before fucking him. When you’ve lubed yourself up you can wipe the excess off on your own anus and slip a finger or two into yourself. For sustained anal stimulation for you while you penetrate your partner, a butt plug that’s going to stay in place is usually most convenient. (If you’re playing bottom on top, you get more scope to explore with, for example, dildos with suction caps, so they’ll stay in place while you bounce around over them.) In terms of size and shape, you want a dildo that’s going to enhance your erection and your feeling of being hard and genitally aroused, and not so big that the anal sensation takes you over completely. If you’re not used to being fucked yourself or using big sex toys, a slender prostate massager such as the Aneros could be best for you. If you like a little more bulk inside, a vibrating but plug such as the can deliver a whole range of sensations which complement your anal sex.

If the top’s using a butt plug, the bottom can play with that as well even while he’s being fucked and add to his partner’s arousal. In missionary position sex, use your heel to press against the plug and your partner’s anus, squishing it around while you also draw your partner further into you. In doggy style sex positions, reach beneath with your hand to massage your partner’s perineum and push against the toy. As a bottom, you might find that your being active in this way boosts your experience of anal sex.