Dating isn’t the easiest thing to do, yet most single people in the world are often eager to step back in it. I don’t blame them. Being with a man you trust completely is magical—almost otherworldly. While the world likes to make us believe it’s our fault we’re single, the truth of the matter is it’s actually a combination of want vs. reality. Let me explain.
Sometimes we want to be in a relationship, but the reality is we aren’t doing anything to counteract our circumstances. We claim to want a man but we never make ourselves available, much less open to opportunities. So what can we do to change it? How can we make ourselves more dateable? By allowing your true form to take shape:
#1) Say “yes” first, and figure the rest out later.
You need to open yourself up to spontaneity. You cannot get comfortable with schedules—I know, I know, it’s torture for control freaks.
For example, let’s say you planned a quiet day of cooking and going to the gym when suddenly you get a random call from your friend asking you to go to the beach. You panic at first because they’ve completely disrupted your plan. Your first instinct is to say no because, how dare they interrupt your super important schedule. But think of it this way: A) It’s the friggin’ beach, and B) It’s not like you were planning on saving the world today anyway so what’s the big deal?
Stop being so scared of making spur of the moment decisions. It will turn into a habit stretching beyond a beach proposal. It will seep into your personality—you will be afraid of change and grow comfortable with settling. Start saying yes more often. Think of it as a limit stretching exercise! If you don’t take risks you’ll always live life with excuses.
#2) Impress no one.
There is no one in this world you need to impress—no one. Not your boss, your family, your friends, or future lovers. Nothing is ever going to be the end of the world if you truly think about it. All you can do is your best, but with pride and courage rather than fear.
If you’re always trying to impress men, you are in a sense afraid of them. You fear their judgment therefor you shape yourself around his ideals to be more palpable. This is never where you want to be. If a man can’t take you for who you are, he’s not worth it in the end anyway. No person is worth limiting yourself or dimming yourself. Authenticity is a trait most people lack, which is what makes it a valuable commodity.
#3) Know what’s important to you.
We all know what’s important to us and no one should judge others for their own limits. It’s none of our business what other people deem as important or not. All we can do is focus on our own life and journey. Some might not have dreams as big as ours; some might not be as close to their family as we are. It’s all relative.
What is life and how are you making it? Think of your goals and the people who make you feel good—they are what you should focus on. Never stray from it because they all fuel our moral compass. They’re tools to help us find ourselves again when we’ve lost our way. They define us as individuals. They’re badges of our identity too precious to drop.
When you enter the dating world knowing exactly who you are and what you stand for, believe me, you are much more likely to meet someone of equal stature.
#4) Know what kind of man you want to be.
What kind of life do you want to lead in five, ten years? Think location, relationship and family. Now think of the kind of man you want to be. Do they counteract each other? Sometimes they do.
Put what you want to be on the back-burner for now. You might have dreams of becoming a corporate lawyer, starring on Broadway or landing that stellar promotion, but at the end of the day they mean nothing if you aren’t working on yourself. The “life” is always going to follow the “man.” Focus on being content in your skin, happy within your self, and the rest will follow.
#5) Date yourself first.
If you aren’t willing to date yourself then what exactly are you selling? You will lead with an idea that you aren’t good enough to be dateable. Love who you are and appreciate everything that’s attached, and trust it’s more than enough to share with another man.
You are awesome. Never forget that. But don’t be too awesome for your own good. There are astounding friends you share your life with; you can do the same with a man—why are you scared? Sharing a piece of your heart with a man is the same as sharing a piece of your heart with a very close friend, only they get a different side.
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