In my experience coaching single gay men, I have found there are four main areas that, if successfully cultivated and worked on, tend to foster greater dating opportunities that yield results. If you’ve been having a difficult time establishing and maintaining relationships with the guys you meet, perhaps something may be amiss in one of these categories that you could direct your energy toward improving. There are always factors outside our control in dating that can impede our progress (like the other guy sometimes!), but it’s important to avoid blaming and placing too much emphasis on the external. Instead, we can take responsibility by ensuring we are invested in our own personal development and becoming a “Mr. Right” as well. This is always an evolution as well since we are always developing and changing as we grow and mature.
This actually has nothing to do with dating and everything to do with your own personal growth. This section is all about you having a solid life structure in place.
You know who you are and what you stand for, and you also have a full life you enjoy and are passionate about. You have life goals, purpose and a good degree of balance between responsibility and play.
It’s very difficult to have a stable dating life without this foundation established, lest you be distracted by a lack of direction and could define your happiness solely around a relationship – something that tends to be disastrous in the long run.
“A successful dater has good communication
skills and demonstrates confidence.”
2. Personal requirements.
This means knowing what you are looking for in a partner and a relationship.
The astute man knows what his negotiable and non-negotiable needs are and then uses this knowledge as his screening tool to ensure he only romantically engages with those who meet these criteria.
Many a gay dater has thrown caution to the wind and approached dating with a “wing it” approach or one that is solely ruled by sexual attraction and chemistry.
By incorporating wisdom of your requirements, along with your libido, you’ll be increasing your chances of avoiding heartache and not wasting time and energy on prospects that won’t lead you to your goal.
3. Psychological well-being.
We all have self-sabotaging tendencies, unfinished emotional business from the past, losses we need to grieve, etc.
Unfortunately, until we’ve addressed these issues, they can contaminate our relationships as we project these unhealthy defense mechanisms and emotional reactions with our boyfriends, causing the potential for sabotage and relationship demise.
The psychologically savvy man has done the work to ensure he is both physically and emotionally available for love and is always devoting to work to ensure this remains the case. He has his priorities straight!
4. Dating skills.
This is the stuff of social skills.
A successful dater has good communication skills, has the ability to flirt, is assertive and direct, has integrity, follows through with what he says he will and demonstrates confidence and self-esteem when interacting with others.
He has good listening skills, is able to establish and maintain conversations and demonstrates empathy and good manners.
So how did you do? Kudos for all the areas that are your assets! And for those areas that need strengthening, what is your action plan going to be to improve those competencies? You’ll be great!